He’s our enforcer, deterrent, the big gun we bring to solve big problems. He’s our security guard, his name is Rami. He doesn’t carry a gun, steel baton, mace, not even a flashlight, just pure intimidation is his weapon of choice. Rami is Ukrainian and speaks understandable English but is also fluent in Russian. Even pronouncing my name is hard, he calls me “Pau” like Pow. Being a security guard at our grocery store is very, very hard. Keeping an eye out for shoplifters, chasing them out the store, and constant altercations with people in the bottleroom is an everyday occurrence for Rami.
Rami’s Highlights:
- Someone spit in his face for following them around the store.
- Been called “toy cop,” “flashlight cop,” and “rent a cop”
- Customers have shoved him for no reason.
- Projectiles have been thrown at him.
- Getting rammed with shopping carts on a daily basis.
- Witness to Sex in the Grocery Store Parking Lot.
When Rami isn’t watching shoplifters, he’s a funny guy to be around. He claims the “S” on his Sketcher brand shoe stands for security. 
All Rami ever asks for is respect and a little appreciation. But even we, his co-workers couldn’t give him that.
One would think because he is Ukrainian, he may have a name like tennis phenom, Nikolay Davydenko or boxing pro, Vitali Klitschko. Maybe Rami is short for something but for the last 3 years, we have been calling him by the wrong name. You see, Rami isn’t his real name, he just got used to us calling him that.
His real name is Dean, just plain Dean.
When asked if we can call him by his real name, Dean…
It took me 3 years to learn this name, it will take me another 3 years to learn another one. Just call me whatever you’ve been calling me.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
One wonders how the name Rami came to be.
@Ian – That’s what we all wondered. Even he doesn’t know. He just listens.
LOL..oh my gosh..poor guy!
@Alicia – He makes light of everything though. He definitely needs more pay!
I saw a security guard with a high powered rifle and a pistol once in a department store in NYC. it didn’t make me want to be there.
Secretia
@Secretia – I doubt I’d go in there. The possibility of me doing something stupid is endless.
LOL..We have a guy here that everyone calls him another version of his name and none of them are correct lol…He doesnt even correct them…
@JStar – Sometimes correcting people is hard enough, just let it be =).
How do you get to Rami from Dean? That’s bizarre.
@Lorelei – Took us 3 years to find that out.
Rami sounds intimidating…Don’t rami, man! Every store needs a Rami to keep those crazy shoppers straight.
@Suzicate – That’s right every store needs an enforcer.
LOL @ S for Security !
@Doc, I think because of his English, his one liners are hilarious.
How strange!
@Justin – Indeed Justin, indeed!
Rami sounds awesome. I need someone like that to push through the masses of people in Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods for me when I go shopping.
@Joanne – He’s available for hire, you just gotta bring him back on the weekends. That’s when all the freaks come out.
Love your blog! i think i’ll “follow” you.
He sounds like a pretty cool guy!
I am SO glad you popped in for a visit to my blog! Because I came to visit you and I have to say I LOVE YOUR BLOG – I can completely relate to most of the stories having been a checker during college – but, here I will date myself, we were the last of the cashiers who bagged in paper! LOL – we helped introduce plastic in our little part of the world and now they are trying to get rid of it. heehee.
I will be back often – your stories are hysterical, thoughtful and very well written.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Rami… er Dean… sounds like a character and a half!
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