Deli Slip and Fall

Working in the deli can be hazardous. Deli workers deal with potentially contaminated foods, sharp utensils, meat slicers, and wet floors; all while trying to be sanitary. It’s store policy to write up an accident report just in case the employee may need medical attention. Our deli clerk Denise, slipped and fell while cleaning in the deli and as a result she must report to a supervisor. That supervisor happened to be me…

Me: So what were you doing when you fell?

Deli Denise: I was mopping the floor.

Me: How did you fall?

Deli Denise: I slipped on something…

Me: What did you slip on?

Deli Denise: Does it matter?

Me: Of course. I have to write it down.

Deli Denise: Uhh…

Me: Any day now…

Deli Denise: Umm… some deli meat.

She mumbled. So I asked her to repeat it…

Me: What was it again?

Deli Denise: DELI MEAT!

Me: HAHAHAHA…

Deli Denise: …

Me: Sorry Denise…

I couldn’t help but keep laughing for some reason.

Me: So…hehe…What kind of deli meat was it?

Deli Denise: Does it matter?

[No...]

Me: Of course it does!

Deli Denise: Turkey breast.

Me: Hahaha… Turkey breast!

Slice of Deli Turkey

Deli Denise: …

Me: Sorry, sorry Denise. So was there any bacon involved?

Bacon

Deli Denise: …

*This post is approved by Denise =).

Embarrassing moments anyone?

Ways to Annoy your… Customer – Next in Line

A reader brought up a good point:

Yes, there’s something my checker does that impresses me, but it’s negative not positive. Maybe you’ve already written about this before, but if not, please do. Please help me understand why every time a new lane is opened up they take the person at the back of the line, who has been waiting in line all of 15 seconds, instead of the person next in line who’s been waiting for 10 minutes??? Why is this standard practice at every store everywhere? Sorry, got a little riled up there.

My best guess would be that clerks do it out of convenience.

My experience with this evolved from the time I first started working at the grocery store.

I would grab the person who was at the back of the line because they were usually the first person I saw when opening a new lane. How is this so? When opening a new lane, I would grab the customer who is “hanging” out of the checkstand. I also figured at the time, since the customers ahead of them would have their items on the conveyor belt, they wouldn’t want to go to the lane that just opened up.

Last person "hanging" in line

As the years go by, I would let the customers decide amongst themselves by saying, “I can take the next person in line.” I’ve seen customers swear and yell at each other to determine who gets to go to the other lane first.

Fighting in grocery store line

No one likes standing in line longer than they should. Grocery clerks should take the responsibility to grab the next person waiting. Its best to grab the next available customer to avoid any problems that may arise and in the grocery store that will likely happen.

What does your grocery clerk do that annoys you?

Snails

Some people literally leave a trail of slime behind them. I don’t want to think about what that slime consists of, but you’ll often find it concentrated in and around the bottle-and-can redemption area of your friendly neighborhood grocery store.

Sometimes, like today, several of these human snails find their way to the bottle room at the same time and spend up to half an hour nearly crawling over each other to move from one machine to the next, their piles of garbage and cartloads of recyclables packing the room to capacity.

As usual, I glance into the room with chagrin every time I walk by, waiting for the crowd to clear out so I can commence picking up garbage, carting away discarded boxes to the cardboard baler, sweeping the floor, switching out the trash bag, and finally mopping. Unfortunately the front end of the store is wildly busy today, and I, being the only courtesy clerk on duty until mid-afternoon, am repeatedly called away to bag groceries, provide carryouts, round up carts from the parking lot, etc. Meanwhile, I repeatedly miss my chance to clean up in the bottle room as wave after wave of people leave it more and more squalid…

…until that point when it has officially become a health and safety hazard. When this point is reached, I can without qualms respond to pages from coworkers: “I’m not available to do [blank] right now; I’m on a cleanup.” (At which point they’ll page someone from bakery or deli to do the other thing, which I’m sure they’re thrilled about.)

During this long-postponed and by-now-top-priority cleanup, I’ve long since made it my policy not to admit any further bottle room patrons until I’ve finished completely. Inevitably, they will come before I’m done. I think the record was a line of about seven people, half of them with carts overflowing with bottles and cans, all staring at me as I cleaned up, inching forward like a pack of hungry wolves with every swipe of my mop across the soda-encrusted tiles. This crowd accumulated over the course of just ten minutes or so.

There’s a definite satisfaction in restoring a disgusting hellhole to its former, relatively pristine state, however unpleasant the process itself may be. Maybe it’ll even stay clean for an hour or two! Dare I hope this could be the last time I need to clean the bottle room all day?

Not this time. Before I’ve even swept, along comes one of the worst of the worst with his cartload. You can literally tell whether or not this guy’s been here by his slime trails. They’re like a signature. Even on dry days. Who knows where it comes from. Everything he’s touched is sticky. I always have to wash my hands after assisting him for even a moment. He frequently feeds half-full beer cans and garbage-stuffed soda bottles into the machines.

He patiently waits for me to finish cleaning up, but even as I bring the floor to a shine, it feels like a halfhearted gesture. I know it won’t last.

Sure enough, walking by ten minutes later I note the stale soda dribbling from the doors of the machines, already forming a pool on my immaculate floor.

Oh, the futility…

Submitted by J.J. – Courtesy Clerk

Ways to Annoy your Checker #17 – Slide your Club Card

We’re asking for a favor. Please, the first thing to do before anything else is to either slide your club card or enter your phone number into the card reader.  Yes, you can really slide your club card or enter your phone number into the card reader for the savings.  You don’t have to do it but this is just a favor. Unless your club card doesn’t work because it’s worn out or the magnetic strip is demagnetized or the screen doesn’t let you enter the phone number then we can do it for you.  What annoys us is when we’re scanning the groceries and customers puts the club card in front of our face to scan for them when it can easily be done with the reader.  You don’t have to do it but this is just a favor. Just remember to follow the prompts on the screen but do not press the “ENTER” button before sliding your card.  You don’t have to do it but this is just a favor.

An older man is unloading his groceries onto the conveyor belt…

Club Card Holder:  [yelling from the end of the checkstand]  I have a club card!

Me:  OK.

Club Card Holder:  My number is 503…

Me:  [tapping the card reader]  Sir, you can enter your number here.

He finishes unloading his groceries…

Me:  How are you doing to…

Club Card Holder:  [cuts me off]  My number is 503…

I enter the number but it doesn’t work…

Me:  Sir, your number doesn’t work.  Do you have another one?

Club Card Holder:  I don’t.  That’s the one I use all the time.

Cliche answer.  Phone numbers linked to the club card just don’t disappear.

Me:  Do you have another number?

Club Card Holder:  Hang on.

I go back to scanning the groceries…

Then out of my peripheral view, I see a card hovering in front of my face…

Club Card Holder:  [dangling the card]  Here’s my card!

Stupid me.  I want to change the world and consideration for others…

Me:  Sir, just slide it right here.

He presses the ENTER button and continues to slide his card repeatedly.

Club Card Holder:  Is it working?  Is it working?

If I could have only slid his card earlier…

You don’t have to do it but this is just a favor.

Do you prefer your checker to scan the club card for you?

The Cop and the Grocery Clerk

I would like to thank everyone for commenting and it does make a huge difference getting feedback from readers with their experiences. My co-workers and I read every comment to keep a mental note on how to make our customers experience a bit better when they do their grocery shopping. Hopefully clerks and cashiers from around the way are doing the same thing. Since this blog started, I’ve learned with a positive attitude no matter the situation and a simple smile will make the day a better working environment.

As a grocery clerk, often times people who come through look down on us as if we’re nobodies. Some don’t bother to say “hi,” or “thank you.” No matter how long anyone has been in the retail business, it wears on you and eventually makes one bitter. It’s always the pretty girls, executive types, or just the teenager from next door. I’ve been trying to tolerate those types for quite so time, but for some reason, people with authority intimidate me.

A policeman comes into my line with a deli sandwich and a bag of flaming Cheetos. He’s an imposing 6′2 frame with a gun.

Me: [stuttering] Hhhi…

Policeman with Gun: [looks at me] …

He’s watching the items on the screen as I scan them…

Policeman with Gun: Wait! That’s not right.

Me: [stuttering] Whhhhats not rrrriiight?

Policeman with Gun: Those Cheetos are on sale.

Me: [stuttering] Umm.. I dddon’t ttthink so…

Policeman with Gun: They’re $1.99 not $2.49.

Me: [stuttering] I’ll rrrun and cc..heck the price.

Policeman with Gun: You don’t need to do that, its $1.99.

Me: Ummm…

Policeman with Gun: Your not going to call a policeman, a liar are you?

Me: [unsure smile] Heh, of course not…

I eventually checked the price of the Cheetos and it was $2.49. The ad changed the night before. I got punked over some Cheetos…

Have you ever thought you were right but still went with the situation?

Grocery Checker Joke – Reusable Bags

Even though we hear the same lame customer joke over and over again while working in the grocery store, doesn’t mean we don’t have any of our own. I like to mess with our customers sometimes because it makes the day go by a bit faster and to see what type of character they are the next time I see them.

Customer puts her reusable paper bags from our competitors on the conveyor belt for me to bag…

Me: Hey… I didn’t know we have new bags!

Awesome Customer: [She stops loading her groceries and looks up at me] Huh?

Me: This must be our new logo!

Awesome Customer: Uhh…

Me:: That’s interesting, our paper bags never had handles…

Awesome Customer: [Unsure laugh] Haha…

Me: You want any help out with your groceries?

Awesome Customer: Ummm…

Me: I was just joking with you about the bags.

Awesome Customer: Smartass! Yeah, I want a carry out. I want you to do it!