Blog Award – Double Your Pleasure

I’m going to rant. In an era where information can be obtained almost instantly. Why are some hotels still unequipped with wi-fi internet? This last weekend, I went to Spirit Mountain Casino to watch the Super Bowl and of course play a few rolls of craps. My goal was if I lost playing craps, I would go back to the room to work on a new theme for the blog. But with no internet, I ended up playing some more craps and the results weren’t pretty as I blew away the last of my spending money. If I had internet, this probably wouldn’t have happen and I would have been able to check my email because Suzie of Gropius vs Eddie awarded Mostlygrocery.com with the Double your Pleasure Blog award.

Double blog award

Even with the losses, this award made my weekend. Check out Gropius vs Eddie as she talks about anything and everything. From her new colorful rain barrel to the clothes that were shrunk to doll sizes =/.

According to Gropius, what blog has doubled your pleasure? Give them this award and in your post, write about a subject that appears often on his/her blog.

I get to pass this award and so I would like to congratulate… Sharon of Nine Kinds of Crazy!

  • Being a stepmom is very hard!
  • Dealing with your in laws is an adventure itself.
  • Trying to earn the trust of your step children is a daunting task.
  • Blogging about your husband’s ex wife is James Bondish.
  • Some things are meant to be password protected. To obtain a password, go to her Blog!

Thank you, Suzie of Gropius vs Eddie for this wonderful award!

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Ways to Annoy your Grocery Clerk #18 – Fast Card Slider

Doing things fast is not always the best way. Driving fast will result in getting a speeding ticket, finishing fast in bed will result in sleeping on the couch, and sliding your payment card really fast in the reader will result in annoying your grocery clerk. Sometimes you just have to take things slow…

A guy is sliding his credit card in a rapid motion and frustrated that it isn’t working…

Muy Rapido: This stupid machine can’t read my card!

Continues to slide his card back and forth angrily.

Me: Mind if I try?

Muy Rapido: It’s not going to work. It’s this stupid machine of yours.

I take his card and with one slow swift swipe…

Muy Rapido: Whoa! Look’s like you have the magic touch!

Magic hands

People who are blessed with amazing speed are track stars and I’m blessed with the ability to slide payment cards who just happens to work in a grocery store…

Muy Rapido: Now when do I slide my club card?

Me:

Slow

Has doing things fast ever work out for you?

Have a great weekend everybody. More on Monday!

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Soda Dispenser

At our grocery store, we are able to accept returns without a receipt. As long as the item isn’t used, we can only exchange the item. If its our store brand then we can take it without any question because of its satisfaction guarantee. However, some items need to be accompanied with a receipt because it lets us know if the item was actually purchased from our store. There are many things we sale that many of our grocery clerks are unaware of and that is why a receipt is necessary…

I answer a call from the checkstand…

Me: Thanks for calling your neighborhood grocery store, how may I help you?

Didn’t Dig the Dispenser: I need to make a return.

Me: What is it that you have to return?

Didn’t Dig the Dispenser: A soda dispenser.

Me: [confused] Soda dispenser?

Grocery Checkstand

Didn’t Dig the Dispenser: Uh yeah…

Me: I don’t think we sell stuff like that here.

Didn’t Dig the Dispenser: Yes, you do. I bought it from your store.

Me: Do you have a receipt?

Didn’t Dig the Dispenser: No.

Me: [confused] A soda dispenser?

Didn’t Dig the Dispenser: Yeah, I don’t want it anymore.

I’m having this conversation while checking out customers and even they’re laughing. I’m thinking maybe she means a soda.

Me: What brand is it?

Didn’t Dig the Dispenser: Jok something.

Me: I’m pretty sure we don’t sell that brand here.

Didn’t Dig the Dispenser: This is stupid. I want to return it!

Me: Ma’am I can’t do anything without a receipt and we can’t take back returns for something we don’t sell.

Click! She hangs up…

CD the Grocery Clerk: What was that about?

Me: Some lady said she wants to return a soda dispenser and she doesn’t have a receipt. I told her we can’t take back anything we don’t sell.

CD the Grocery Clerk: HAHAHA! That’s hilarious! Should have told her we don’t sell soda dispensers. We sell espresso machines!

Espresso

Me: HAHAHAHA!

CD the Grocery Clerk: HAHAHAHA! Better yet, since she doesn’t have a receipt, she can exchange it for the cotton candy machine on aisle 7!

Cotton candy

Me: HAHAHAHAHA!

CD the Grocery Clerk: HAHAHAHAHA!

She calls back and I answer…

Didn’t Dig the Dispenser: I want to talk to the manager!

Me: I’m the manager for the night.

Click! She hangs up again!

CD the Grocery Clerk: HAHAHAHA! Was that her again? You should definitely put this on the blog!

Me: HAHAHAHA! You know I will!

About 45 minutes go by and CD the Grocery Clerk calls for me on the intercom…

CD the Grocery Clerk: Uh, Paul. That soda dispenser lady is here…

Me: HAHAHA! Really? I’ll be right there.

I’m walking towards CD the Grocery Clerk and he has this long look on his face…

CD the Grocery Clerk: This is what she’s returning…

Soda dispenser

I apologized profusely to her and gave her a cash refund for her troubles, despite not having a receipt.

Shame on us.

Have you had any problems returning something to the store?

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Deli Slip and Fall

Working in the deli can be hazardous. Deli workers deal with potentially contaminated foods, sharp utensils, meat slicers, and wet floors; all while trying to be sanitary. It’s store policy to write up an accident report just in case the employee may need medical attention. Our deli clerk Denise, slipped and fell while cleaning in the deli and as a result she must report to a supervisor. That supervisor happened to be me…

Me: So what were you doing when you fell?

Deli Denise: I was mopping the floor.

Me: How did you fall?

Deli Denise: I slipped on something…

Me: What did you slip on?

Deli Denise: Does it matter?

Me: Of course. I have to write it down.

Deli Denise: Uhh…

Me: Any day now…

Deli Denise: Umm… some deli meat.

She mumbled. So I asked her to repeat it…

Me: What was it again?

Deli Denise: DELI MEAT!

Me: HAHAHAHA…

Deli Denise:

Me: Sorry Denise…

I couldn’t help but keep laughing for some reason.

Me: So…hehe…What kind of deli meat was it?

Deli Denise: Does it matter?

[No...]

Me: Of course it does!

Deli Denise: Turkey breast.

Me: Hahaha… Turkey breast!

Slice of Deli Turkey

Slice of Deli Turkey

Deli Denise:

Me: Sorry, sorry Denise. So was there any bacon involved?

Bacon

Bacon

Deli Denise:

*This post is approved by Denise =).

Embarrassing moments anyone?

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Ways to Annoy your… Customer – Next in Line

A reader brought up a good point:

Yes, there’s something my checker does that impresses me, but it’s negative not positive. Maybe you’ve already written about this before, but if not, please do. Please help me understand why every time a new lane is opened up they take the person at the back of the line, who has been waiting in line all of 15 seconds, instead of the person next in line who’s been waiting for 10 minutes??? Why is this standard practice at every store everywhere? Sorry, got a little riled up there.

My best guess would be that clerks do it out of convenience.

My experience with this evolved from the time I first started working at the grocery store.

I would grab the person who was at the back of the line because they were usually the first person I saw when opening a new lane. How is this so? When opening a new lane, I would grab the customer who is “hanging” out of the checkstand. I also figured at the time, since the customers ahead of them would have their items on the conveyor belt, they wouldn’t want to go to the lane that just opened up.

Last person "hanging" in line

Last person "hanging" in line

As the years go by, I would let the customers decide amongst themselves by saying, “I can take the next person in line.” I’ve seen customers swear and yell at each other to determine who gets to go to the other lane first.

Fighting in grocery store line

Fighting in grocery store line

No one likes standing in line longer than they should. Grocery clerks should take the responsibility to grab the next person waiting. Its best to grab the next available customer to avoid any problems that may arise and in the grocery store that will likely happen.

What does your grocery clerk do that annoys you?

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Snails

Some people literally leave a trail of slime behind them. I don’t want to think about what that slime consists of, but you’ll often find it concentrated in and around the bottle-and-can redemption area of your friendly neighborhood grocery store.

Sometimes, like today, several of these human snails find their way to the bottle room at the same time and spend up to half an hour nearly crawling over each other to move from one machine to the next, their piles of garbage and cartloads of recyclables packing the room to capacity.

As usual, I glance into the room with chagrin every time I walk by, waiting for the crowd to clear out so I can commence picking up garbage, carting away discarded boxes to the cardboard baler, sweeping the floor, switching out the trash bag, and finally mopping. Unfortunately the front end of the store is wildly busy today, and I, being the only courtesy clerk on duty until mid-afternoon, am repeatedly called away to bag groceries, provide carryouts, round up carts from the parking lot, etc. Meanwhile, I repeatedly miss my chance to clean up in the bottle room as wave after wave of people leave it more and more squalid…

…until that point when it has officially become a health and safety hazard. When this point is reached, I can without qualms respond to pages from coworkers: “I’m not available to do [blank] right now; I’m on a cleanup.” (At which point they’ll page someone from bakery or deli to do the other thing, which I’m sure they’re thrilled about.)

During this long-postponed and by-now-top-priority cleanup, I’ve long since made it my policy not to admit any further bottle room patrons until I’ve finished completely. Inevitably, they will come before I’m done. I think the record was a line of about seven people, half of them with carts overflowing with bottles and cans, all staring at me as I cleaned up, inching forward like a pack of hungry wolves with every swipe of my mop across the soda-encrusted tiles. This crowd accumulated over the course of just ten minutes or so.

There’s a definite satisfaction in restoring a disgusting hellhole to its former, relatively pristine state, however unpleasant the process itself may be. Maybe it’ll even stay clean for an hour or two! Dare I hope this could be the last time I need to clean the bottle room all day?

Not this time. Before I’ve even swept, along comes one of the worst of the worst with his cartload. You can literally tell whether or not this guy’s been here by his slime trails. They’re like a signature. Even on dry days. Who knows where it comes from. Everything he’s touched is sticky. I always have to wash my hands after assisting him for even a moment. He frequently feeds half-full beer cans and garbage-stuffed soda bottles into the machines.

He patiently waits for me to finish cleaning up, but even as I bring the floor to a shine, it feels like a halfhearted gesture. I know it won’t last.

Sure enough, walking by ten minutes later I note the stale soda dribbling from the doors of the machines, already forming a pool on my immaculate floor.

Oh, the futility…

Submitted by J.J. – Courtesy Clerk

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Ways to Annoy your Checker #17 – Slide your Club Card

We’re asking for a favor. Please, the first thing to do before anything else is to either slide your club card or enter your phone number into the card reader.  Yes, you can really slide your club card or enter your phone number into the card reader for the savings.  You don’t have to do it but this is just a favor. Unless your club card doesn’t work because it’s worn out or the magnetic strip is demagnetized or the screen doesn’t let you enter the phone number then we can do it for you.  What annoys us is when we’re scanning the groceries and customers puts the club card in front of our face to scan for them when it can easily be done with the reader.  You don’t have to do it but this is just a favor. Just remember to follow the prompts on the screen but do not press the “ENTER” button before sliding your card.  You don’t have to do it but this is just a favor.

An older man is unloading his groceries onto the conveyor belt…

Club Card Holder:  [yelling from the end of the checkstand]  I have a club card!

Me:  OK.

Club Card Holder:  My number is 503…

Me:  [tapping the card reader]  Sir, you can enter your number here.

He finishes unloading his groceries…

Me:  How are you doing to…

Club Card Holder:  [cuts me off]  My number is 503…

I enter the number but it doesn’t work…

Me:  Sir, your number doesn’t work.  Do you have another one?

Club Card Holder:  I don’t.  That’s the one I use all the time.

Cliche answer.  Phone numbers linked to the club card just don’t disappear.

Me:  Do you have another number?

Club Card Holder:  Hang on.

I go back to scanning the groceries…

Then out of my peripheral view, I see a card hovering in front of my face…

Club Card Holder:  [dangling the card]  Here’s my card!

Stupid me.  I want to change the world and consideration for others…

Me:  Sir, just slide it right here.

He presses the ENTER button and continues to slide his card repeatedly.

Club Card Holder:  Is it working?  Is it working?

If I could have only slid his card earlier…

You don’t have to do it but this is just a favor.

Do you prefer your checker to scan the club card for you?

club card

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The Cop and the Grocery Clerk

I would like to thank everyone for commenting and it does make a huge difference getting feedback from readers with their experiences. My co-workers and I read every comment to keep a mental note on how to make our customers experience a bit better when they do their grocery shopping. Hopefully clerks and cashiers from around the way are doing the same thing. Since this blog started, I’ve learned with a positive attitude no matter the situation and a simple smile will make the day a better working environment.

As a grocery clerk, often times people who come through look down on us as if we’re nobodies. Some don’t bother to say “hi,” or “thank you.” No matter how long anyone has been in the retail business, it wears on you and eventually makes one bitter. It’s always the pretty girls, executive types, or just the teenager from next door. I’ve been trying to tolerate those types for quite so time, but for some reason, people with authority intimidate me.

A policeman comes into my line with a deli sandwich and a bag of flaming Cheetos. He’s an imposing 6′2 frame with a gun.

Me: [stuttering] Hhhi…

Policeman with Gun: [looks at me]

He’s watching the items on the screen as I scan them…

Policeman with Gun: Wait! That’s not right.

Me: [stuttering] Whhhhats not rrrriiight?

Policeman with Gun: Those Cheetos are on sale.

Me: [stuttering] Umm.. I dddon’t ttthink so…

Policeman with Gun: They’re $1.99 not $2.49.

Me: [stuttering] I’ll rrrun and cc..heck the price.

Policeman with Gun: You don’t need to do that, its $1.99.

Me: Ummm…

Policeman with Gun: Your not going to call a policeman, a liar are you?

Me: [unsure smile] Heh, of course not…

I eventually checked the price of the Cheetos and it was $2.49. The ad changed the night before. I got punked over some Cheetos…

Have you ever thought you were right but still went with the situation?

Cheetos

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Grocery Checker Joke – Reusable Bags

Even though we hear the same lame customer joke over and over again while working in the grocery store, doesn’t mean we don’t have any of our own. I like to mess with our customers sometimes because it makes the day go by a bit faster and to see what type of character they are the next time I see them.

Customer puts her reusable paper bags from our competitors on the conveyor belt for me to bag…

Me: Hey… I didn’t know we have new bags!

Awesome Customer: [She stops loading her groceries and looks up at me] Huh?

Me: This must be our new logo!

Awesome Customer: Uhh…

Me:: That’s interesting, our paper bags never had handles…

Awesome Customer: [Unsure laugh] Haha…

Me: You want any help out with your groceries?

Awesome Customer: Ummm…

Me: I was just joking with you about the bags.

Awesome Customer: Smartass! Yeah, I want a carry out. I want you to do it!

Me: You got it!

We’ve been joking ever since.

Do you have a checker that you always go to, no matter how long the lines are?

bags 300x300 Grocery Checker Joke   Reusable Bags

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Uncanny Bagel Ability

As the years go by working in the grocery store, we tend to pick up “special abilities” when checking out customers. Such abilities as checking out customers at warp speed, spotting expired perishables with our eagle eyes, or using our skilled bagging techniques so the bags stand in an upright position. My special skill is… I have the uncanny ability to tell how many bagels are in the bag without looking into to see. I can tell by the weight of the bagels and its something that has became popular with customers.

A customer comes into my line with a bag of bagels…

Bagel Man: I have…

Me: Six?

Bagel Man: Wow! How you do that?

Me: *shrugs*

A few days later, the same customer comes into my line with his kids…

This time they have 3 bags of bagels…

Bagel Man: Watch this kids!

I grab the first bag bagels…

Me: Six?

Bagel Man: He still got it!

Bagel Kids: WHOA!

Second bag…

Me: Three?

Bagel Man: YES! YES!

Bagel Kids: HAHAHAHAHA!

Is it me or are they just getting a little too excited.

Last bag… I figured this was a gimme. Just counted 9 bagels and to get the discounted dozen price, they had to have bought 12…

Me: Umm… Three?

Bagel Family: Awwww! It’s Four!

Darn…

Bagel Man: It’s OK! You can redeem yourself when we come back in tomorrow!

Me: *Sigh*

Is there something your checker does that impresses you?

bagels 183x300 Uncanny Bagel Ability

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